What is a “Decision Making Disorder”?

Understanding a Decision Making Disorder

by Wendy Wright, Financial Therapist and Money Coach

Yes, I made this up.

But stay with me — because once I explain it, I think you’ll understand why.

A decision making disorder is what happens when the emotional weight behind everyday decisions — about money, food, relationships, or safety — becomes so layered with fear, shame, or old stories that the decision itself gets distorted. It’s not about making “bad” choices. It’s about making choices that are being quietly driven by something much deeper than logic. And until we understand those layers, the patterns keep repeating.

After years of working to bridge the gap between clients, couples, and families who were struggling — whether with money, food, or both — I realized we needed a better shared language. A framework that didn’t shame anyone. One that pointed toward the real thing happening underneath the surface behaviors.

So let me explain what I mean.

Your Decision Matrix

Clients come to me because they “can’t stop fighting about money” or because they “don’t understand why she just won’t eat.” And the longer I sat with those stories, the more I noticed something: beneath both money behaviors and eating behaviors was a hidden driver. Decisions.

There are layers upon layers of thoughts, feelings, memories, and beliefs — including, for many people, financial trauma — that shape behaviors like spending, saving, restricting, or overeating. When we don’t understand those layers, we miss the meaning entirely. I started calling this collection of layers a person’s decision matrix — the invisible framework guiding your choices, often without your awareness.

This is where the work of financial therapy lives.

The Common Factor: We All Make Decisions

We make decisions all day, every day. Research suggests we make around 35,000 decisions each day. Now imagine how your day unfolds when many of those decisions carry the emotional weight to make or break your sense of safety, worth, or belonging.

Whether it’s a decision about food or finances, both can become external measures used to manage internal shame and fear.

You sit down to a meal and announce, “I’m going on a diet tomorrow” — a way of passively signaling to everyone at the table that you know you’re “a mistake by eating”. You walk into a store and tell your friend, “I’m just going to look around” — when you already know you’re planning to buy those shoes. Fear of judgment, fear of failure, insecurity about how others will perceive your choices — these sparks create what I call decision anxiety.

And then we go to extraordinary lengths to either make the “right” decision — or avoid making any decision at all. Until we become aware of our own decision matrix, we cycle through the “if this, then that” loop, puzzled by why we keep repeating the same patterns.

This is exactly where therapy — and specifically financial therapy — steps in. It creates space between “I want to do this” and “Why did I just do that again?” It’s a judgment-free zone for understanding what keeps getting in the way.

A More Universal Approach

When I began bringing this framework — decision making — into conversations about money and food, something shifted. I saw heads nod. I heard, “Oh! That actually makes sense.”  When I use the phrase decision making disorder, I’m not referring to a diagnosis. Instead, it’s a way to describe what happens when the emotional weight behind everyday choices becomes overwhelming. Decisions that appear simple on the surface — spending money, choosing what to eat, or deciding whether to save or splurge — can carry layers of fear, shame, and self-judgment.

It moves the conversation away from “Should he eat carbs?” or “How do I save when I always run out?” and toward the deeper questions underneath. It decreases shame. It opens space for each person’s decision matrix to become visible — to themselves and to the people they love. It creates connection. And connection is where healing begins.

This is what I mean when I say: it’s not about the money or the food. It never has been. Money is emotional before it is logical. Food is emotional before it is nutritional. And the decisions we make around both are telling us something important — if we’re willing to listen with curiosity instead of judgment.  Looking at behaviors through the lens of a decision making disorder helps shift the conversation from blame to curiosity. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with you?” we begin asking, “What emotions are influencing this decision?”

That’s the foundation of the Wendy Wright Financial Therapy Approach™ and the 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©. It starts with Principle #1: Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment. If you’re wondering whether you can actually heal your relationship with money, the answer is yes — and understanding your decision matrix is one of the first steps.

Ready to Explore Your Decision Matrix?

If this resonates — if you’re tired of asking “Why do I keep doing this?” — it may not be a discipline issue. It may be an emotional money pattern that deserves understanding, not judgment.

I’m Wendy Wright, LMFT, a nationally recognized Financial Therapist with over 30 years of clinical experience. Through my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©, I help women and couples untangle financial anxiety, money shame, and self-sabotage so they can build clarity, confidence, and aligned financial decisions. I work one-on-one with clients around the world who are ready to understand the story underneath their money behaviors — not just manage the symptoms, but actually heal them.

If you’re ready to explore what’s underneath your money patterns, let’s start there together.

👉 Schedule your free Discovery Call — and take the first step toward understanding your own decision matrix.

One last thing — this is one of my very first blog posts, written back in November 2018, when I was just beginning to put language to what I was witnessing in my work as a financial therapist. I’ve updated it, but I’ve kept the heart of it exactly as it was. Because this idea — that our money struggles are really decision struggles, and that those decisions are driven by emotion, not logic — hasn’t changed. If anything, I believe it more now than I did then. I’m glad you found it.